Money - Part One

I can't stand the "money is everything" attitude that seems to infect everyone these days.  I'd be quite happy if someone just did away with the whole concept.

Money is not life, not happiness, not anything except an inflated measure of someone's ability to shit on everyone else.

Of course, by rights, according to my middle-class upbringing, I should be striving for financial success, stability, 2.4 children, a Peugot 306 and a dog.  But I can't think of anything worse.  Although stability might be nice.

Questioning

I seem to be bent on self-destruction at the moment. I don't understand what it is that draws me to people who aren't “good” for me.

Maybe it is still the 'little girl rebelling against Mummy and Daddy syndrome', but I think it is more self-oriented than that.

Tavery rebelling against Tavery.

I feel so much of the time that there are different personalities inside me competing for time.

There is that part of me that just wants to give up and say “the system sucks, I don't want anything to do with it” and simply avoid it as much as possible....become a hermit or a waster and fuck everything else.

The part of me that feels like this is very strong at the moment.  The problem is it confuses me as I don't know where it came from, having been brought up as a good, middle-class, bourgeoisie little girl.  

Of course, no one says I have to conform, but I feel a part of me telling me that I am perfectly capable of being 'normal' and successful and therefore that is what I should do.

You know, mustn't squander the potential and all that.

Why aren't there more options, more ways of living your life?

I suppose there are, it just doesn't seem like they are acceptable choices for "ME".

That's what I mean about defining myself.  I keep getting other people telling me what I am like and what I am capable of and I wish they would all just let ME decide.

Is that too much to ask?