Intransigence

Just for the record:

I live by my own standards and no one else's

I am frequently emotional and irrational

But, no, I will not flipping grow up

I am also frequently happy, amusing, daft, spontaneous and silly

And I can be all of the above regardless of sobriety or drunkenness.

The fact that I may switch between one frequency and the other is because I am who I am.

And if you can't respect, like or love me for it then I know where there is a short pier you can take a long run off.....

And, now I feel guilty, my fault that you took that nose dive.

When, all I was doing was venting, and letting off steam.

Self Loathing

I want to be thin, but I keep eating and I hate myself for it.  

I drink so I can eat because I don't stress about food when I am drinking.

I've had my friends tell me I'm too thin, but now I just feel like an elephant. 

 I constantly compare myself to everyone else I see on the street.

It takes up all of my energy and it's why I can't be intimate with anyone or even spend time with friends. 

All I want to do is hide.

I hate everything about myself right now and trying to be normal takes everything I've got.

I want to feed others but I can't eat what I make for them because it freaks me out if I eat that much.

But I try just so I look normal.

My entire life is about food and drink and I hate it and I hate me. 

I hate my life so much because I should be happy and I'm not and I feel so guilty about that.

Judgement

Don't measure me by your standards....allow me to live by my own....

Summer Afternoon

Blue notes blowing in the breeze
Laughter gently drifting
Eyes caught by inexperience
It's all a dream to me.
Conversations challenging,
changing, corrupting
the harmony of the harp.

Maturity

You know it's funny when you have moments of feeling good about yourself.  Just knowing that you have been organised enough to buy more toilet paper when you still have a roll and a half left....finally makes you feel a little bit grown up!!!

Sanity

Most of the time it is the day to day things that stop me from cracking up completely.  Sort of a case of "Well, I was going to go stark raving bonkers today but I've got to pay the electricity bill!"

Hmmm

Everything in the past seems easy because it has been done and is not in the process of being done or yet to be done, both of which make things seem a lot more difficult.  Nostalgia makes life seem so simple!  Mind you, the more I conceptualise something as difficult, the more difficult it becomes.

Money Part Two

Money is indeed the root of all evil.  But I can see no way of escaping the ties that bind.

I suppose I could attempt to opt out on an individual level, but how can anyone do that when the thing that is killing us softly and destroying our souls is the same thing that provides sustenance and life as we know it?

Even if I was to walk away from it, how would I live when everyone else demands money?

If I turned round and said I wasn't paying for something because I believed that money was corrupt and ethically, morally and politically defiling the planet, I'd be locked up.

Frustration

What's good for the gander

is unacceptable for the goose

apparently

Paranoia says the gander

Double standards says the goose

allegedly

The gander is amused

the goose is quoting Victoria

assuredly